the past has gotten on me today. i was fine previously until tonight. i tried to sleep, but i cant. its pretty hard just forgetting what happened. thinking back and wondering was is my fault? was it me that caused all of this to happen? it most probably was.

everytime i go to places jac and i usually go, i scout around, searching for her through the crowd. hoping to see her and hoping not to see her. its like i wouldnt know how to react if i actually see her one day. to either say something or just walk away. if she's there with her new bf, would i fake it that im glad to see him ... ? i wouldnt know until the time actually comes.

thinking back ... we had such wonderful times. the places we went, the things we did, the secrets we shared, the moments that never seem to surprise me every single time, and most definately, the endless love. well, thats my point of view, i wouldnt know what she would think. but thats me.

i appreciate every single thing shes done for me ... until that day. i dont know why but i cant seem to forget that day. i wasnt even thinking. i just acted. i felt so stupid. and here i am. sitting in front of this stupid computer ... kicking myself in the butt for the mistakes i made in the past. pfft. how lame can i get ...

rick.